In Tune with: The Self-Improvement Blues

I’m trying to balance wanting to better myself and being proud of myself. I have recently realized that I am constantly in a state of self-improvement, which sounds like a good thing on paper, but man, I am tired. I feel like this is a symptom of perfectionism I didn’t know existed, and I really thought I ditched perfectionism a solid year ago. When you constantly try to reach an ideal form, you set yourself up for failure because the goal is usually unattainable. However, there is the possibility of actually accomplishing the goal, but once you are at that point, I feel like you make more goals and never feel satisfied with yourself. In 2024, I will try to respect and honor my current state. As cheesy as it sounds, I want to be proud of the woman I am and who I must be alone with. I don’t want to feel exhausted by not feeling good enough for myself or others. That said, I still want to have goals and continue to grow, but I am simply trying to be kinder to myself in the process. At times, I have found myself wanting to “better” myself for the wrong reasons. I have told myself maybe I’ll find love if I look a certain way, etc. That shit is so warped, and it is so sad—no more of that, period. I only want to pour into myself for myself– to reach a state of happiness where I do not care what people think or expect of me.

I also work hard on myself all the time in therapy where it is appropriate, so I don’t want to be therapizing myself alllll the time as things should just be light sometimes! It is time to be happy with the small moments and the monumental times. We are constantly changing, growing, and learning, and it is nice to chill out and feel everything happening as it comes instead of thinking about what’s next. Even by writing this, I feel a sense of relief by admitting my feelings. Self-love is being okay with yourself in all forms. Not just that, but accepting yourself in all forms, even those we may not like. To be very clear, we should work on the things affecting us negatively, but when we are already in a secure, positive place– own it, be proud, and be at ease. 🙂